Yusuke's gone again. He left, just like that. Even after everything, he still never tells me when he leaves on a mission. Even after the Dark Tournament, he still never says goodbye.

Why? Is it because goodbye sounds so final? Or because he's afraid what he has to say will endanger me? I've been in trouble. Did he forget the insects from Makai? The whole school wanted to kill me! And that fire almost took him away from me. I'm no stranger to fear, or danger.

I figured he was on a mission when he didn't come to school for a week. So has Kuwabara; I asked Shizuru. I checked Kurama's school. He's been gone seven days; his mother is worried sick.

Kuwabara told Shizuru. He told Yukina. Yusuke told his mother. So why can't he talk to me? Why can't he face me? Is he afraid I'll beg to go with him?

That idiot. Sometimes I think he's worse than Kuwabara. He gets himself in so much trouble, just to beat someone he doesn't even know or care about.

Can't he see I care?

But how can I stop him? This is what he was born to do. This is what he was made for, his fate, his destiny. You can't deny destiny.

But what about me? Where do I fit in? What's my destiny? And…does it involve Yusuke?

Would he care if it did?

Sometimes I wonder if he really cares about me. He almost gave his life for me during his fight with the leader of the Saint Beasts, I know. And aside from a few comments…I wonder if I'm just reading too much into him and his actions. I may have been important to him during the fight with the Saint Beasts, but now? I really can't tell anymore.

And yet I worry. I can't stop. Even if he may not care much for me, he can't imagine how much I care about him. If he could just tell me when he was leaving, it'd mean so much to me. He relies on his friends so much during battle; can't he see he can rely just as much on me? I may be no fighter, but why should that stop me?

Why should that stop him?

I'm no porcelain doll; I won't break at the slightest touch. I've proved that so many times, yet he still doesn't see.

I was with him in the Dark Tournament. I saw everything he went through. I saw his every hardship, his every battle. He belonged there…but I believe I did too. I belonged there because he was there. I belong with him.

But he doesn’t seem to think so. From what I can tell, he thinks I should be out of the fight, someplace safe. Why? Because if I died my death would weigh on his conscience? If I die there…if I die there with him…for him…I couldn't be happier.

He's my whole world; my heart; my soul. My every movement is for him. I've known him for so long. He's my friend and so much more. But, am I just a friend to him? Has he seen me as nothing more all these years?

I guess…I guess I could live with that. Just being his friend. You confide things to your friends, don't you? You take them into your confidence, right? So if I was his friend…would he tell me about his missions?

Would he care enough either way?

I'm afraid…I'm afraid that someday he'll get himself killed in one of these missions. Doesn't Koenma see that? Can't he send someone else? Can't he spare Yusuke for at least one more day?

But I don't think Yusuke would stop if he had the choice. Like I said, he was born to fight. It's his very essence.

Not even death could stop him.

And I hate him for it. There's more to life than fighting. Maybe someday he'll see that.

I just wish he could see it now.