He was watching from the middle of the steps, and he saw it happen. He knew, in retrospect, that he could not have changed what happened. He was too far away. But it hurt.

God it hurt.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” Ducked and laughed.

Falsified shock. “Don’t tell me that know-it-all Moony doesn’t know everything! I know you can do better than that!”

A shock of red light hitting him squarely in the chest. Toppling over, falling; slowly slowly so that it took and eternity for him to fall. And then the deafeningly quiet swish of the curtains. Finality. His lips formed a soundless “No!”

“Hello lover.” Said in such a way, such a funny way from the person it came from. Toppling back into pillows. Laughter. Love and contentment and belonging.

Then Harry. Running toward the dais. Instinctively, he reached out Harry can’t go through the curtain Siri wouldn’t ever forgive me if he went through the curtain must stop Harry from going through the curtain and hugged the boy to his chest.

“SIRIUS! SIRIUS!” A desperate plea for help. Struggle.

“There’s nothing you can do, Harry—“ Nothing anyone can do.

“Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through!” Hysteria.

“It’s too late, Harry—“ Too late, too late too late too late—

“We can still reach him—“ More struggling, more hectic by the moment. He held, did not let go.

“There’s nothing you can do, Harry…nothing…He’s gone.” Is that me sounding so calm? Can’t be I should be hysterical no Harry needs me to be calm I must be calm for Harry and for Siri because he’s gone but he would want me to be calm for Harry—

“He hasn’t gone! SIRIUS! SIRIUS!”

“Remus, have you seen Sirius?”

“No, not lately, why?”

“I can’t find him.”

Panic, then calm. A smile. “He’ll be around, sooner or later. He’s probably just playing some practical joke."

“He can’t come back, Harry. He can’t come back, because he’s d—“ No no no nonononono! Siri no can’t be dead how can you be dead you said you’d always be there for me—

“HE—IS—NOT—DEAD!” Hurtangerbetrayaldesperationpanichysteria. “SIRIUS!”

Harry fought against his grip; tightening, not letting go. Then, collapse. As if the boy finally realized that Sirius wasn’t coming out from behind the veil. He has to come back Siri come back you swore you’d never leave damn it! Come back!

He released Harry, but gripped his arm, cautious as ever.

“Harry..I’b really sorry…” another boy—Neville?—said. “Was dat man—was Sirius Black a—a friend of yours?”

Distantly, he felt Harry nod. Then, the small rational part of him said, There are people who need your help! Stop panicking, Sirius is dead, but you can grieve over it later. So he shoved his grief and his hurt and his pain into a small little hole in the back of his mind.

Neville’s legs were dancing—rat tat tat tat tat—and he pointed his wand at the boy’s legs. “Here,” he said, “Finite.”

The tapping stopped. The battle still raged around them.

“Let’s—“ A deep breath. Control, his mind whispered. NO! he shouted back, but…he had to be the adult. He had to be the calm one, the rational one. “Let’s find the others. Where are they all, Neville?”

Turned. Couldn’t stand the sight of the arch, of the veil. Every word was forced out, hurt, strained against his self-control. Self-control perilously close to breaking. Again.

“Moony, you have self-control like no person I’ve seen. What does it take to shake you?”

“Something completely unexpected,” he offered, offhand. Then, warmth against his lips. Surprise.

“Like that?” Gone.

Wide eyes, quick breathing. “…like that…”

Neville was rambling something about the others he was sure, but he couldn’t focus his attention—until Bellatrix Lestrange sprinted by. Again his mind ran in circles. Murderer killer killed Siri die you should die for killing him damn you!

She was halfway up the steps. Harry jerked—and was free of his grasp and running toward the monster.

“Harry—no!” Not you come back can’t lose you too Harry come back you can’t die too please Harry!

“SHE KILLED SIRIUS! SHE KILLED HIM—I’LL KILL HER!”

Again, a “No!” that went no farther than his mind. He reached out; missed. Futile effort. Harry was gone. Chasing Bellatrix Lestrange.

FINIS

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